Falling into the “I’m so busy” trap
Last week, I found myself spouting my to-do list off to a friend, saying, “First I have to do this… then I have to do that… then I have to go here and there. ” His response: “You have to or you get to?” His answer caused me to realize I have gotten myself caught up in my own “busy body” loop again. When people are asking, “How are you?” these days, I’m answering with, “Good, just SO busy!”
At face value, there’s nothing really terrible about the reply. Still, I’ve come to believe there are so many underlying meanings I’m sending other people and even myself when I use the phrase ( Continuing to read Brene Brown’s Dare to Lead at book club this week also helped point it out!).
Saying I’m busy all the time creates distance with others. It signals to them that the things I have going on are more important than what the other has to say. It declares while my body might be present having a conversation with them, my mind is actually somewhere else. It subconsciously tells people, “Don’t ask too much of me. I already have enough on my plate.
Frequently saying we are busy also helps feed the idea that we need to be working all the time-- as if there is something commendable about sacrificing health, happiness, rest and relationships for the sake of productivity. It ties my self-worth up with how much I cram into my days, rather than the quality of my work and the way I care for myself and others.
So how to get off the “busy body” rat race train? For me, setting clearer boundaries between work and “off time” is a start. Practicing being present can also help. Inevitably, I’ll slide into the “I’m busy” routine once again, but stopping to smell the flowers and literally dancing to the music, can bring me back to feeling like my life is more than a to-do list of chores, but rather a series of choices I can make.
Keep moving!
xx,
Katie
落入「我好忙」的陷阱
上週我在和朋友滔滔不絕地講著我 的待辦事項時，我發現了一件事。我說：「首先，我得做......，然後我得做......，接下來我得去這，然後我得去那。」他問：「你得做這些事，還是你有機會做這些事？」他的回答讓我發現我又讓自己掉入「大忙人」的迴圈中了。最近每當朋友問我：「你好嗎？」我總是回答：「很好，只是『超級』忙。」
表面上看起來，這並不是一個太糟糕的回答。然而，我慢慢相信在這些文字背後，我傳達給別人（甚至是自己）很多不同的含意。（持續在讀書會中看Brene Brown寫的 Dare to Lead，也幫忙指出這一點！）
常把「我很忙」掛在嘴邊會與別人拉出一道隱形的距離，這隱約傳達出『我在忙的事情比別人想說的事情還要重要』，同時不自覺地當我在與別人對話的同時，我的心思已經跑到其他的地方了。潛意識地告訴別人『別要求我做太多事，我已經忙不過來了。』
常說「我們很忙」也會建立起一個我們總是一直在工作的形象，彷彿犧牲健康、幸福、休息的時間、與別人建立感情的機會，來創造更高的工作效率是非常值得讚賞的。 這表示我的自我價值等於我一天能塞進多少事情，而不等於我的工作品質或是我花多少時間關心自己與其他人。
所以要如何跳脫「大忙人」的這個無限循環呢？對我來說，在工作與生活間設定更清楚的界線是一個開始， 練習活在當下也是個很有幫助的方法。 不可避免地， 我知道我仍然會再次落進「我很忙碌」的這個循環中，但藉由試著停下腳步聞聞花香、真正地融入在音樂中的跳舞，可以讓我覺得我的生活不是一連串的代辦事項，而是一系列我可以做的選擇。
繼續前進！
愛你的 Katie
( Anna Liang 譯 )