Letting go and holding on to love
We’re starting to inch closer to the end of 2018, and if there’s one theme I’ve had to my year, it would be “Letting Go.” Every year that I’ve lived abroad -- as is the downside of expat living--I’ve had slews of goodbyes to say as people move back to their home countries or on to new adventures. This has been a particularly brutal year, as I look around and see the friends and students I consider like family ending their Taiwan time. And sadly, this week there have been even more.
“Letting Go” has been the theme of my year in the sense that my friends and I have had to physically pry ourselves apart from our piles of hugs as airport taxis put miles between us. But, this year (call it growing more experienced instead of growing more callous) I’ve felt more peaceful than ever with people moving on and the way my relationships have had to adjust. I’m by no means a master of the Buddhist principle of non attachment, but in some ways, the more I let go of people or things, the closer I feel to them. I’m better able to see people for who they are and what they feel they must do for themselves, rather than who I expect them to be or what they can do for me.
There are all sorts of quotes about letting go of those you love as a test to the relationship and to see if they will return to you. While it may be true in some circumstances, I see the measure of relationships as still being able to love people even when they are far away, even if they were to lose touch, even when things have changed. Our lives move us in so many different directions that it’s impossible to grasp on to many people too tightly or to hold them here by our sides forever. It doesn’t make it any less sad or scary to say goodbye, but maybe while letting go we can choose to still hold on ...to Love. We can cherish and celebrate the fact that something beautiful was breathed into existence. In any case, when things get tough, thank God for Skype!! :)
Keep moving!
xx,
Katie
放手但仍留下愛
眼看我們離 2018 的尾聲越來越近，若要為我的 2018 下一個主題，我會選「放手」。住在國外的每一年都要和很多朋友說再見（這是身為外籍人士的缺點），有些人搬回家鄉，有些人則是開啟他們的新旅程。今年對我而言特別困難，看著周遭的朋友們與學生們 ------- 我台灣的家人們 ------ 一個個為他們的台灣生活畫下句點，更難過的是，這一周有更多的家人要離開台灣。
在前往機場的計程車旁，和朋友們的無數個最後的擁抱、留在肩上的淚水和捨不得放開的手，看著計程車離去的背影、手中的餘溫、眼眶的淚水 ------「放手」，我今年的主題。但是，與其稱之為「成長的殘酷」，我決定叫它「成長的經歷」。隨著人們的離去以及關係的調整，我感受到前所未有的平靜。我絕對不是精通佛法的大師，可以毫無牽掛。但是在某種層面上，我發現當我越能放手，我就離他們越近，我能更清楚地看到他們真實的面貌與他們必須為自己做些什麼，而不是我希望他們成為什麼樣子或是他們能為我做些什麼。
有各式各樣的金句名言敘述關於用放手來考驗你們之間的關係，看看他們最後是否會回到你身邊。在某種情況下也許是對的，但是我對於關係的衡量是，即使他們離你很遙遠你還是能愛著他們，就算是失去聯繫，就算是有所改變。生活帶著我們走往不同的方向，要把所有的人緊緊地抓住或是讓他們永遠待在你身邊是不可能的。了解到這一點並不會減少分離的悲傷或是說再見的恐懼，但是，也許當我們放手時我們能選擇保留那份愛。不管怎樣，當你想念他們時，我們還有 Skype！
繼續前進！
愛你的 Katie
( Anna Liang 譯 )