Putting Self-Doubt to Rest
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a very active dream life. I’m often able to recall really intricate details of bizarre dreams involving a mishmash of real and fantastical people, places, and of course, superpowers. This week the dreams have been off the charts. It seems that every morning I’ve woken up with the feeling that I have barely rested at all and that my brain just wouldn’t give me a break. I suppose this makes sense since the lead up to the holiday season is full of to-do lists and mental tasks to keep on top of— Did I remember to buy that gift? Are we good to go for the holiday dance performances?
The thing that appears unusual is the huge element of worry and self-doubt creeping into my dreams this week. I’m standing on stage being boo-ed off, show up to the party and no one is there, or discovering I missed the holiday events all together. Waking up feeling exhausted, I can’t help but wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me night after night?!
It’s so easy to look at others and think that they’ve got it all figured out, especially when it comes to handling the busyness , stress, and excitement of the holidays. From the photos people post online of their impeccable families, hassle-free travel, and even the quick passing season’s greetings we give each other, we may think others have somehow perfected a mix of capturing the “true meaning of the holiday spirit” along with the If we u idealized or commercialized image we see portrayed all around us. It’s understandable that with all that pressure, "the most wonderful time of year" can quickly become the most difficult.
While self-doubt may be souring my actual dreams this week, self- doubt in real life can have the potential to be a true killer for the goals and the dreams we have for our future. It can create so much fear that we don’t go after what we want or make us think we don’t deserve what we desire. It can distract us from enjoying what’s right in front of us because we’re busy comparing ourselves to others. And at the same time, self- doubt can be useful. It can help motivate us to work hard, to be careful and conscientious in our thoughts and actions. It can help show us areas we want to improve, grow, and change in...if we use it as a tool, instead of letting IT use US.
This week I’m reminded that amidst the holiday craze, I need to take time to check in with myself and make sure I’m “gifting” myself what I need in order to keep up with life’s demands and to be able to give to others. I’m really feeling that “Peace on Earth” starts with peace within. And I’m dreaming of just one "Silent Night" of sound sleep! Sending you wishes for inner peace this week too!
Keep moving! xx, Katie
夢到一個平安夜
自從我有記憶以來，我都能夠很清楚地記得我做了什麼夢，就連奇妙的人物、地點、場合等各種詭異奇怪的細節，我都能記得一清二楚。這周我的夢境達到了一個新的顛峰，我的頭腦就是不肯讓我放鬆，每天早上醒來都覺得我完全沒有休息到。我猜想這可能與即將到來的節日季節有關，落落長的待辦事項，加上頭腦不停地提醒自己要記得做這個、不要忘記我答應誰的事、我有記得那個買禮物嗎？我們聖誕舞蹈表演準備好了嗎？
這個禮拜的夢和之前的夢最大的不同點，就是它們都有兩個共同元素：擔心與自我懷疑，像是我站在台上而台下的噓聲不斷、出席只有我一個人的派對、或是發現我錯過了所有節日的活動。每天在筋疲力盡中起床，讓我不禁問自己：『是不是我的潛意識想要告訴我些什麼呢？！』
隨著節日來襲接踵而來的忙碌、壓力與興奮，這個陷阱變得更無法避免，就是「看著別人腦中幻想他們的生活是如此幸福、工作是如此順利。」看到朋友在社交媒體上無懈可擊的完美全家福，就算只是快速地互相祝福，腦中也不經意的迅速掃過：『他們ㄧ定擁有像是廣告上幸福完美的節日假期吧！』這是很正常的現象，畢竟「一年中最美好的時光」所帶來的壓力，是可以輕易地把白天鵝染成黑天鵝 ------ 變成「一年中最困難的時光」。
這周自我懷疑在我的夢境裡挑大梁，在現實生活中它也具有強大的能力足以毀滅未來的目標與夢想。它能夠創造超多的恐懼，多到讓我們無法往想去的地方前進，多到讓我們感受到我們不值得得到我們所想要的。同時它也會讓我們分心，與其享受當下我們所擁有的，我們把時間花在不停地和別人比較上。凡事都是一體兩面的，自我懷疑也可以是很有用的，它可以激勵我們更加的努力、提醒我們要有意識地注意自己的思想與行動、幫助我們了解想要成長、進步與改變的地方。
這周的提醒是：我需要投資時間在自己身上，確定有先滿足自己的需求，尤其在這個一連串瘋狂的節日季節中，我才能繼續前進，也才有更多的能量與愛可以給予別人。我真的覺得世界和平來自於每個人心中的平靜，我希望這週能有一個睡得安穩的夜晚！
繼續前進！
愛你的 Katie
( Anna Liang 譯)